Thursday, December 19, 2013

Tajdid niat wahai diri.

For about few months past so quickly, Alhamdulillah i got a chance to participate in a Talk Session "Membina Generasi Ammar". nowadays Malaysia had been in such phenomenon involving a very pious boy named Ammar. he was a year above me and lived just around where i live. and yes, after seeing those videos, it touched my heart and makes me wanna know more about his own idol who was once a Muslim scholar; Badiuzzaman Said Nursi. Besides, i feel very blessed that Allah had shown the significant meaning for ummah in Malaysia to 'wake up' from this worldly life and be a useful khalifah on this land of Allah. may Allah ease us to.

Knowing about his life story really makes me feel like "hey, actually i can be like that too". yeah of course we can take the very best example of human being, our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to guide us becoming a better muslim, but sometimes, a human is more prone to assume something will possibly happen only when this one people of his nation can make it. hmm let me clear what im saying, 

"Alahh tu mat saleh yg buat, bole la cakap. klau org melayu takde maknenyelah...."

how to say,, the real thing is most of us.. i mean US, are always being pessimistic about doing something unique. something that people never thinking of. in this context i'm stressed on MOST not ALL. this opinion is based on the scholar talk sessions that i joined before, where i acknowledge that..yeah we are always being pessimistic even tho in fact, we can do better than any of the so-called advanced nation. 

So the basic thing we need to focus on is to Tajdid our intention. 
Each of us should think of studying in schools, in universities, 
to improve the ummah. 
To help the ummah. 
To get back the right of our beloved religion Islam!
 and most of all, to get the pleasure of Allah. 

and ohh self. do remember this again and again. if you feel weak, remember, the ummah needs you. don't ever give up on how much tough this course u're studying might be. if u feel hard, there's other people harder than you.

Bear in mind. itsumo. always.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

That Little Thing.

Need to throw this thing out. now !

haha. okey chillex. take a deep breath.....breath out.

The story is like this. *manglish much ignore those* Lately, i'm feeling something cheesy. but not as tasty as a cheese though. it's a matter regarding on what the muslims call it 'ikhtilat'. how crazy i am with this thing ? eheh. it makes me feel uncomfortable. feel insecure. i.n.s.e.k.y.o.r.e. yah that's it.

U know what about architecture students are like? i heard that 'they' said... "zombie" , "soulless" , and ohh that "unsociable" kinda person? nahh u're totally wrong. archi students mostly are sociable. as we always meet among ourselves everyday every night staying in le studio. idk where they got that idea about archistudentsarenotsocial watsoever. and back to the real topic, actually this sociable thingy, sometimes making me feel uneasy. the western pepol would say "hey wats the prob? its normal thou" but for me, we as muslims are supposedly keep the DISTANCE between man and woman which are nonmaharam when INTERACTING. unfortunately, it can't be controlled. it depends on each individual whether to make it as a concern ...or not.

Actually i dont really care if they wanna do what they want. even though sometimes i have the urge to tell the truth, to play my role as a muslim(nehi mungkar). muslim towards a muslim. aha. but that occurs seldomly. or i can just consider it as never ? TT_____TT ok i know how bad i am. i'm not strong enough to do that, to convey directly, personally. may Allah ease someday. BUT one day i accidently having a long contemplation bout this ikhtilat prob, deeply think on how to reduce it *from becoming worse day by day until i'm used to it ? (nauzubillah!)*. good thing the thought came just that friday Alhamdulillah. and that's why, i am really 'enthuastic' to blurt out everything in this so-unfamous-dusty-blog then with ma english which is tunggang tebalik. haa padan! :B

Usually the 'insecurity alarm' activated in a grouping work *which sometimes involving more boys than girls* or when i'm sitting at my place in my studio then some of the guys approaching and ask something either it's important or pointless *because of the strategic coordinate of my table in le studio* wanna know where? go to my studio i'll show kekeke.

One thing that i wanna stressssss on this lovely evening,



I know that i'm not that muslimah tudung labuh. i'm not that girl who always alert on the mistakes i'm doing. i always have the probability to forgot on something or being engrossed when i'm in certain duniawi situation. but please, keep your distance from me or any other muslimah. i mean, you guys. and mostly the guys who always purposely getting near to unmaharam girls without any valid reason. some girls, they're not brave enough to tell directly on the uncomfortable situation they're facing *nak jaga hati lah katekan* but deep inside, they wanna refrain those sinful things. but malangnyelahh ad jugk beberapa hamba Allah ni, org jauh dia nak dekat org ke tepi dia lg ke tepi hailaaa lempang sikit meh ? byk pun boleh :3 and i refer to some of my girlfrens not me only.

Sometimes i silently observed on how my friends talking to each other *oops kantoi*. not to judge but i'm trying to learn from them too. on wat should i do if im in such such situation...fight or flight? meheheh takde kaitan. thus, this school essay is not for me only, i'm hoping if u, as a reader could take a minute and think about it can you? ha tanak bole blah. e eh. okbai.

wanna read more about ikhtilat? go here : Allah Seeker : Ikhtilat

this post kinda bias isnt it? haha actually it's for both men n women. just that i have less time on how to balance it. gomenasai !

Saturday, November 23, 2013

So much for my happy ending

its the end of november, mashaa Allah! its been a very long time i didnt post le entry. haaa teserlah kesibukkannye ecewwah. le title i just pick from the song i'm hearing from the next room. sis sophea is very rugged i love those songs she's hearing ~ hehe ^.^

ok really glad that my mood to type some words of wisdom(ehh?) already come. its been 2 months since my degree life in this lovely college. now i'm enjoying myself alone, pondering on things and reflecting my own personality. owh people must get blurred on what i'm saying hahh, never mind. there's some of the time i need to leave myself alone, no friends around. just to think of all the past mistakes i've done. and also to 'see' through my own heart. is it full of black dots, or some or none(mustahel)? i must recheck.

it's been a very long time too. that i didn't attend any religious programmes. and that really effect me much. REALLY. i could feel the difference between myself in cfs and in this current place. yet i can't take any action..i just let the 'unwanted things' flow through my blood, through my soul.. nauzubillah! i just wanna refrain it. unfortunately once it came, it is hardly to avoid. its hard to describe the feeling. its like u know that thing u've done something wrong, but u have no effort to get over it. pathetic.

maybe because that i let myself busy with the worldly life (like projects, having fun more than it shud be) or maybe...

i was glad that yesterday someone had the courage to 'panggg' me from my daydreaming. she was like 'slashing', 'zzzzuuppp', 'kapowww' me and i was like.. really 'hurt'. but that hurtful situation gives me happiness. because she told me everything that i didnt know before. the things that i merely realize back then. she adviced me. she knocked me out from myself. Alhamdulillah i was really grateful.

i'm happy to acknowledge that i have a friend like her. nobody ever told me about those hurtful reality of myself. thank you Allah. You just filled my empty heart with a good friend. :')






Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Architorture.

Unbelievable. that it had been only 3 weeks in this university taking architecture course and i've already labelled it as torturing. it's not because i hate this course. i love it very much that i can bear it till now, even though we're absolutely lack of sleep and eat recently. it's that... something just wrong with this place that im learning. the system... so stressing.

I know that some of my friends who currently taking this course are gonna leave it. away from architecture. i know how they feel. but it's totally making me sad. i'm in an uncontrollable emotion now, going up and down drastically. yet when some of them are leaving, i'm feeling hopeless. but i'm not weak. i could do it by myself inshaa Allah. i'm a strong mama's daughter. :')

unpleasant rumors about this life that i'm going through, it's increasing from day to day. i heard  it. even though i don't wanna to. because these kind of rumors just killing me day to day. i just wanna put earphone on both ears and max the volume. i don't wanna hear anything more! i wanna proceed with my passion. my hurtful passion.

this sounds so pathetic isn't it. only Allah knows how it feels. only Allah knows how much i changed since the commencement in this institution. no matter what others said, how bad this system is, how lifeless this architecture would be, i wanna stay. because i believe, if we do something diligently with sincerity, with the aim to please Allah, He will definitely help us. the key is PATIENT.


Allahu akbar!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Bright new spirit.

since my first intake in bachelor of science (architecture) in iium gombak (last week) i become a different me. why i said so....don't you believe me? haha it's true. i was brainwashed many times by people around me, mostly by my friends and lecturers. the first day had been wonderfully discouraged by the lecturer when she treated us as if we're second or third year student. she didn't brief the subject in proper manner so we aggrieved for so many times. speechless with how the things are get going. we're like "whaddaheq is going on? what kinda class is this?" hm unfortunately.

from the foundation centre of this course i realized that most of the lecturers are kinda discouraging. i think i know why but not robustly. there are still things that i didn't discover yet. maybe after i become a lecturer? maybe.

so here's some words of wisdom for myself. to motivate this low self esteem girl. but if u wanna read it then go on i don't care. :p

jannah.
please just stand on your true ambition.
no need to care about how much people look down on this field, 
no need to worry much about those unpleasant words from your lecturers and friends,
lecturers, they might have experience but they don't know your true ability.
friends, they might be right but they just right in their own way,
maybe if they don't like to proceed the challenge together with you, it might be better for their future.
so just don't stick to their words and lifestyle. 
u already have your own.

you are who you are,
don't let people change your dream
if you don't have anyone to rely on, just rely to Allah
because the truth is, you are living alone in this world.
eventually you'll need to do everything by yourself.
no people to help.
so be tough and independent.

o self,
do you remember your true goal which is to please Allah?
the one and only goal.
no matter in what kinda things u do to please Allah,
He had already prepare one for you.
He had already leave one special road for you to get through.
just get into it even though there's so many obstacles
because other roads are having obstacles that you yourself can't bear.
don't u forgot that each people have different talent to achieve success in their life?

jannah.

always keep in mind to make your parents proud of you.
to make those two people who raised you for million dolars of money and energy plus with love,
HAPPY.
make their heart say unconsciously that 
"it's been a blessed to have a child like u , Alhamdulillah."
make them feel worthy to have an excellent child.
a useful person to society.

please and please, delete all those unnecessary reasons which block your way to success.

lastly,

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
that you can do it because nobody could believe you more.
Allah already mentioned in Quran,

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned.
(al-baqarah 286)


just do it. 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Long gone for awhile .

assalamualaikum and ohaiyo blogger fellas.

woo. it's been a very long time since i made an entry. almost two months. yet i'm missing the moments when i had many thoughts to be shared in le blog and flew to some of my friends' awesome entries.
and i want to revive the mood again.

the moment is just around the corner. i'm about to register to international islamic university for another two weeks. somehow i feel down. knowing that my time to have proper sleeps is up! i might have a true panda eyes next month :p but somehow i feel happy. because i could proceed on becoming an active student, ready to go to the war field, walking here and there, having less weight (ahaks) and have nice silaturrahim relationship with beloved friends. i just can't wait. :)

by the way, so sad to look at the mujahideens  in syria, palestin, egypt and also other islam societies which are now having such deadly challenges. i'm upset that i could only see them in the facebook timeline and can do nothing but pray. thus i'm thinking that i just do nothing. i think that i have zero challenge in my life compared to their life. Allahuakbar. only Allah can decide it, not me. i must be calm then. calm and keep pray. the justice will be revealed soon, inshaa Allah!



Thursday, July 4, 2013

husnul khaatimah.

yesterday i heard about a death happened just around our house area, bandar tasik puteri. it was occur in front of sbpi rawang, a boarding school. it was a shocking one when someone told me that she was 21 year old, a girl who was only working part time during her holiday, just like me. she was riding her motorcycle, struggling to avoid some ruined street. unfortunately, her time had arrived. a car hit from behind, causing a heavy damage on her head. magnificently, even though she was lying on some other spot of the accident scene, her body was fully covered. subhanallah, Allah had preserve and save her dignity. it was one of the husnul khatimah :)

innalillah. may Allah bless here in the hereafter. she had gave us a really meaningful reminder.

Laa hawla walaa quwwata illa billahil 'aliyyil 'aziim.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

each person with their different styles.

don't know why this keep happen to me.
feels guilty with no reason.
i think that i didn't do anything wrong like hurting other people *guess so...* 
which is the least thing i can do to comfort people around me *inshaa Allah*
but the feelings keep crawling towards this weak fragile heart.
maybe it's the verdict of all the unconscious sins that i had done?
maybe.
serves me right then.

anyway, i just realized that there are some words that makes me feel insecure.
the words keep shackle and urge me to do something out of my will.
maybe this just one of the things that makes me feel guilty other than those past sins,
keep telling me to do something ridiculous.

please. 
don't push others if they can't, if they have valid reasons for not proceeding your style.
each person have their own unique styles which we never knew 
how their effort would affect others.
don't insist them to do something that you already used to
because only Allah have the Power to give Hidayah.
you can just recommend, not demand.

because each and every of us, Allah had bestowed our own, special style,
whether by words, gestures and attitudes,
to bring someone closer to Him.
which is through da'wah.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

jaw dropping

The finest day to be in a such dramatic situation was today. it was a nice cool afternoon *currently living in a place with 'pembenihan awan' process*. while busy treating other bebudaks manja, suddenly one of the boys shouted, "Teacher, he's bleeding!" Syadee, 7year old boy was punched only once by a 5 year old boy, and subhanallah, am i watching drama or is this a real thing ? blood was spreading around le nursery, mostly in the bathroom. his nose was totally bleeding and it could not stop! i was tremendously startled and panic like a heaven. eventually the 'little-hero-boy' who punched his member, i have no idea but to be an angry teacher. mahmahmah unfortunately, even though i really hate to scold le naive children. i must.

one of the influence: anime??? haha.
i was mad at the moment, thinking of how this boy is raised. he's a pre-tahfiz pupil, but where's the flaw that his family didn't notice? of course this gullible simple minded boy is not to be blamed, but his parents or siblings.

thusssss. deep in my heart i was actually thinking of what my children would be someday. afraid that they would be like this little boy, as the consequence of busy working and focusing on family financial only. dengg, that's just so pathetic. there's nothing worth but to have soleh and solehah children :'/

am i thinking too far? haha isn't it the right time to think about this matter anyway. another few years i might get married. *joking* to be frank i'm not ready. i'm still a small girl. kekeke.

scratch.finish.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

ikhtilaf itu indah jika

lately i was thinking of this. which is ikhtilaf a.k.a perbezaan pendapat. or mutual counselling maybe? yeah that's that.

i lived 19 years long and alhamdulillah through these black and white sides that i went, i was unconsciously evaluating each of my friends and members and all around me.

guess what? i was mesmerized with this one type of person seldomly. FIRSTLY, this is not considered as backbiting because i'm not mentioning the name~ *so glad huuu* and SECONDLY i'm not quarreling with anyone recently, inspiring me to make this post. not at all. it's just a glance of my thought that had been millions years musty in this untranslated memory. *pepandai la paham*

try to fathom this:

i was telling about 'A' and the people say that 'A' is ok but u should try 'B'. i was clarifying 'C' and the people say that 'B' is great, but you should approach this 'D' thingy, it's better. in other case, i was conveying this 'A solution' but that people ask me back, what will happen to blablabla if we use A' ? 

hmm if you read it in a rush, you'll never get what i meant. this thing sometimes absurd because most of our opinions always have their own opponent, as if we're always the one to be blame (for thinking of the bad solutions?) hurtful isn't it. and most of this thing happen because of someone who thinks that he/she has a better and excellent ideas rather than anyone else. as if they're the only mr./mrs.i-know-everything, and "hey, u should follow my brilliant thinking!" daaaaa.

yes, i admit that some of these people are really awesome and unique by the way they express ideas, even nobody would ever think of what they think. they had been endowed with such a bright brains that each of their points in arguing facts makes sense, people would consider them as a picture perfect person. this is the goodness. i can accept their smart ideas. but when their style of language deliberately denote their cleverness,

I'm sorry. thank you.

pendapat manusia sntiasa brlainan sbgaimana pndapat kucing dgn itik . satu bermeow, satu berquekk.

please don't get me wrong. i'm not the type of person like these people which are fast thinkers. i salute all of them. they always help when i needed. but sometimes i got this uncomfortable feelings by the way they're communicating. i tried to husnuzon, but all that i get is this noticeable manner. arrogant maybe? 

just that... don't ever think that we're better (even 0.1cm) than other person when conveying something important, like knowledge. that's just the award that Allah bestowed upon us. which is TEMPORARY.

ikhtilaf itu indah jika....(continue this sentence in about 100 words)

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Another new challenge.

Sitting in front of the laptop, wondering on what would happen tomorrow. Entertaining myself by playing candy crush, chatting with friends, just to reduce on whatever i am thinking because you know what. I'm a strong thinker. and no, over thinking exactly.

Tomorrow i must get started with a new job. not so new actually, i used to work there last year. and the sequel  is just tomorrow; which is to be a nanny in a children educare home. mehehe.

Actually, it was hectic and tiring to work in a taska. moreover, if i am the only worker there. going to work at 6.50 in the morning and back to home at 6 p.m. and u just got 500 a month. to be frank, the salary is just not right for the period i have to spend a day. ungrateful? yeah some people could assume me that but hey, i am just saying about my rights.

Anyway, i just need to think of the positive way. i don't really want to protect my right because Allah has already decided rezeki for each of us. maybe if the energy i've spend might not be suited with my salary, it will be paid in other way besides of money? moreover, i have to sincere my intention. always remind myself that anything i do is only to seek Allah's pleasure.

So all the best for me tomorrow. this work can teach me for not sleeping after dawn thou. one of the good things to be practiced this holiday :) inshaa Allah, may Allah ease!



Wednesday, May 29, 2013

comel sangat.

Since i moved to Selangor, we have never adopt a cat anymore. Somehow i really miss that 'purrr' sound that they made. i can't stand it to see those adorable looks in mr.google's and mrs.youtube's. i want to play, brush her fury hair and lay on my bed together with a cute cat but what can i do. my mom really strict on letting us keeping any cats in our house. although most of my siblings really want that thing but naahhh. keep it as dream jannah .___.

seems that i must be patient then. assobru minal iiman right. wait until i'm getting married. desperately want a cat! :<

meow! :3
sincerely, 
Cat Lover

Monday, May 27, 2013

sem break!

Actually i had already started my semester break a week ago. yet i was just hanging around relaxing, doing nothing? such a waste of time thou. yes i admitted that i wasted my time for a week. to make it a lil-bit-not-guilty i would just say that i just having a week of a REAL BREAK. nahhh :v

Lately, many things came up to my mind. i had thinking of several things to be done during this precious 3 month of holidays. i must plan it wisely in order to spend my time productively. other than that, i don't wanna let myself having a chance to say an unwanted word; which is BORING.


Here is the List to be done:

 continue crocheting arts.
 improve English (MUET on July!)
exploring some computer programmer (Google Sketchup. and autoCAD maybe) 
 proceed Project 5
 reading those books that i had bought by using le BR1M
 trying to re-memorize the Quranic ayah (which had been memorized during my study)
 seeking money maybe?

well. easily to be said than done? u can say that. i'm listing those things just in case if i'm about to forgot. i might not doing one or two of those things but at least i'm making a vision of stuffs to do on hols. at least. ._____.

yeah this is it. i had waited for a long time after those tiring semester III in cfs iium!

so friends, let's spend our time wisely coz it is limited :0




Tuesday, May 21, 2013

a MUST be in le music list.

this song is an old one. some might get bored by the old songs, they want the fresh brand new ones only. for me, i don't care. as long the song would remind myself. i'm a easily-forgotten-person so i just need to be reminded again and again. and the easiest way is to hear le religious songs. this is one of that song,

Rapuh - Opick

thanks enche opick for making such a meaningful song lyrics. may Allah bless you always. :)
let us relish the song lyrics here. enjoy~ 

Detik waktu terus berjalan . Berhias gelap dan terang
Suka dan duka . Tangis dan tawa
Tergores bagai lukisan . Seribu mimpi berjuta sepi

Hadir bagai teman sejati . Di antara lelahnya jiwa
Dalam resah dan air mata . Ku persembahkan kepadaMu
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Meski ku rapuh dalam langkah . Kadang tak setia kepadaMu
Namun cinta dalam jiwa . Hanyalah padaMu

Maafkanlah bila hati . Tak sempurna mencintaiMu
Dalam dada ku harap hanya . Dirimu yang bertakhta

Detik waktu terus berlalu
Semua berakhir padaMu...

Can't forget it.

That incident happened on last Monday. a day before my last day in cfs iiu. i just can't forget the incident eventhough i never see it through my own eyes. and the victim, i never knew him.

20th May 2013 was my big bro's birthday. i was excited when tweeting around with my sisters, 'gossiping' about le brother. i also realized that there are also many other people's birthday.

that morning all of sudden i had a feeling to open my skype account. then i've greeted one of my friends who's now studying oversea. she's my neighbour. in no time she said that a friend of hers died on his birthday. by car accident. he was one of our neighbours too. i was startled at the moment.


no wonder that moment i saw many tweets about someone's death at the timeline. it was the same people.

pasUM's student. on my brother's birthday. a neighbour. he is very near, even i've never met him before.
i don't know why, why in the world i cried for the people i've never seen before. maybe because he is a peer to me? maybe. i could see that he is one of the pious people. just by seeing at the facebook.

may Allah ease his business in the afterlife. he had given a really big impact on each of us who had born the same year as him. and for us, may all of us always remember that "mati tak kenal usia".



Monday, May 20, 2013

cfs iiu ? haha.

i could see many of my friends did that. they're promoting things happened in their own campus. and i'm gonna tell you a bit about cfs iium. ahats.

alhamdulillah, i almost finish my foundation here, taking the architecture and environmental design course. tomorrow will be the portfolio day *the judgment whether i'm valid to proceed archie or not* and i felt nothing. because? all i have to do is just to put those projects on table :v haha no lah. i'm just redha for what will happen tomorrow. 

so, what's the big deal of livin in the hostel here? the most famous story here is about pakguard makguard saman and allowances. you must be used to it. and then panas. my room was at mahallah khadijah at block C level 5, and most of the night u will face the heat like a sauna....

that's not mean that i'm ungrateful, im just telling the truth. i'm very glad that my life here is way better than when i lived in smesh because i've never experience water disruption here :3 

so people, how much heat u'll feel, how much difficulties u'll face, just be thankful that u still have a place to sleep, bath and eat, in order to ease ur study there. :)

the best part about cfs iium is when there are ustaz ustazah, artists and some famous motivator come here to give some talks. i also enjoyed some programs held by club societies such as PEPIAS, DAURAH, IDEA and etc etc. you should take a chance to enhance ur quality of time here, instead of just doing assignments, watching movies and sleep only .___.

the most important thing is, be glad. be glad that you're here. be glad that you're having tarbiyah environment around you eventhough the implementation is quite LACK. be glad that you're having rules to avoid u from going ASTRAY. i really meant it juniors.

all the best for the student-to-be cfs iium. this phase is nothing compared to degree, but you must try your best to succeed. because all we do is Lillahi Ta'ala. right ? :)

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Up till now ? watthe.

i have this sound in my mind. it kept talking to me and that's why i must blurt it out in this not-so-formal essay. derhh haha.

lately, i realized that some of my friends still feel that they're awesome by the label "SBP exstudent". not sbp only, we can also see from some of the ex-mrsm or some other elite + famous schools. not to condemn, but i, as the ordinary person, want to remind myself and others too. i can't deny that sometimes i also have thought like this ==> "i'm from sbp yeahh" and it's normal thou. yet i'm trying my best to avoid that damnable feeling.

friends,

maybe we got some of the qualities rather than those whom studying at ordinary schools a.k.a sekolah harian biasa, but haven't we forget that Allah had already remind us this ?


the real thing is, sometimes i can see the difference between those who had studied in an sbp or not because i can see it through their self management. good then. but sometimes i can see that there's no difference between them because, we are all the same. not all sbp students are good and not all are bad. same goes to the ordinary high schools.

the freaking thing is , ada pulak yg berkira, "aku naaak jugak kawen ngan budk sbp" . phewww what's so good about that? like some of the keturunan nabi yg ada syed/sharifah gelarannya, tak prefer pulak kawen dgn org yg takde gelaran tu. pfft. wake up.

so here it is. don't be too fanatic about being an ex-sbp students or any prestigious high school students. that title won't be brought to the grave nor The Judgment Day thou, never will.

scratch and finished.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Stronger. Must be.

the older i am, the more responsibilities are hanging over me. so..

sometimes i felt so fragile that i can collapse at anytime.
sometimes i need that somebody but at the time, that somebody's not there for me.
sometimes the tension is just overwhelming that the best solution is to shout out loud so everybody knows what i feel.
sometimes the need of someone's care and love emerged without i even aware of it.

maybe i can say that all the 'sometimes' are basically human nature so i don't need to care much?
yes i must just ignore because it might be that; that time we 'lost' our sight from Him, we're madly thinking of the worldly desires. 
don't you get it? it's just a test. 
a test from the inside.
all we need is nobody because no one can make us satisfy in a way that can achieve His pleasure,
just ask directly from Him. from The Almighty. 

because there is a space in our heart that can really satisfy us.



Saturday, March 16, 2013

No need to ask. He will give it.

Lately i feel blessed. what should we say? ALHAMDULILLAH.

i don't know why. but this is so real. from the moment i reached home last week.

Anything i asked from mom, she will surely get it for me. in no matter what. and of course, it makes me feel easy and comfort. sometimes i don't need to ask, but my mom ask me first whether i want it or not. as i feel that these are some kind of 'rezeki', i just nodded eventhough sometimes i feel that i don't need the thing that my mom offered.

In this situation, i think that, maybe i am alone with my mom at le house? maybe. so it's easier to get what i want. although it might make me happy, somehow i feel guilty. feel very guilty to get those bounties while some of my brothers and sisters in Syria, Palestin and Gaza are having such difficult times. They even don't even have what i have here. :c

Generally, i always get things without asking. it came in sudden. i don't want to say that i'm in a rich family.. definitely NOT. my family is in between poor and rich. the ordinary one. sometimes i really need money to buy some things that i need, but i really shyyy to ask money from my parents. seriously.  the more i grew the more i feel shy. idk why.

le drafting pencil
To clarify my situation, there was a moment which i really want to search for this kind of special type of pencil. it's some kind of drafting pencil, and it's really awesome. i thought i want to look for it in le market or bookstores. one day when i bought a stylus pen, i mentioned how great that i've found a cheap stylus at Daiso (a Japanese store, each item RM5 only!) then my father overheard it, he suddenly remembered that he wanted to give a special typed-pencil which he left in his car. i was so curious that i've wondered... is it a technical pencil or what? then we reached home, he gave me the pencil. and owhh! what a shock. it's the same as what i want! that time i felt so blessed. subhanallah, indeedAllah is the BEST PLANNER. i got something that i want without even using a cent of my money. Alhamdulillah..

Then, i remembered this ayat from His 'Love Letter',

" And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' "
[Ibrahim 14:7]

Currently, i was jealous of my sisters. both of their studies are guaranteed by JPA. you can wonder how much money le government would give them each semester. even thou my foundation allowance is not as much as that jpa, then i need to spend extra money for the architecture thingy..... i still feel grateful that i've got a chance to study in a course that i love. :')

We can see how easy to get bounties (rezeki/nikmat). Allah said in Quran, we just need to be GRATEFUL of what we have, then Allah will give more. and Dhuha every morning is not a hard thing to do though, 2 rakaahs only. :)

So people. that's my story. an ordinnary one but i hope we got some lessons at least. maybe?

scratch scribble. done!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Random not awesome #3

bismillah.

alhamdulillah i've been given another chance to scribble my fingers here ^^ i have the time, and also the mood! weehuu~

okay enuf mengarut *maaf mood menggila sikit*

This time i'm not gonna mention about something so beneficial, it's just an experience.

last week i was having a very tough week. i was in an awesome stress that i've only spent about 2 to 3 hours every night to sleep. it was because my first project. and ever. to some of my friends, they might think it was an easy one but for me, it's a hectic and painful project, as for mine was rejected about 3 times *astaghfirullah T.T* can you imagine after all the stay-ups which needs a tin of caffeine every night and then all your thinking and ideas went swept up just like that? believe me. its awful. i'm not blaming the lecturer, im blaming myself instead. *kenapalah otak aku ni mcm otak bangku?* that was what came in my mind. always.

however, i managed to finish it at last. it's not so ohhsem like the ohhsem students had done but i'm really glad to have my very own first modelling project. that was the first time i felt happy and glad to submit such a masterpiece :')

serial plane project
i've learnt many from this one. i discovered that architecture is not a good idea to be involved in *neahhh joking hihihi ^~^* no it's not true, its untrue. i was in sheer love with something which involves designing. i really love design but i guess that now; i'm not sure whether i could design or not. but i'll keep trying because i know that this is my path *inshaa Allah* i know my passion and i must work for it. but for sure, only Allah knows what will happen to me in the future. so i must not become too keen in this field, just need to usaha, doa and tawakkal. that's the best thing to do though. :)

other than that, in anything we do, we must be balanced. i realized that during this one week project i've left some of my daily deeds. astaghfirullah. so i must, u must, we must be balanced eventhough we're too busy doing the project.



hmmm. my english seems worsen. abaikan ok haha :p

scratchscratch finished!

Monday, February 11, 2013

Sebiru Hari itu. PMG13 go go go !

Alhamdulilah i've finished my big task as a committee in a program called "Perkampungan Menara Gading 13" in 4 days period, which was from 8 to 11th August 2013. to me , this was a big victory because it was my first time being the committee of Special Task Bureau in this special program. hikhik :3

This event is specifically for the SPM leavers. i've joined it last year as a participant but this year, i've managed to be one of the line up committee ! thanks to Bro Hazwan for persuading me attending  this big magnificent event *k saja nk buat dia kembang* ^^
fyi, he was my fasi for the last PMG and now he had deal himself as the director of this event.
unbelievable kan? hukhukhuk ~ :p

me farikha n marwah :)
frankly i was reckless to join this PMG even on the days of the event. i was thinking a lot about my so called important assignment that was left behind because once you're busy handling an event then there will be less time to focus on academics. unless, u're a good time manager and being very positive.

since it is the early weeks of this last semester in cfs iium *inshaa Allah* i was trying to join any of the program under Pepias. alhamdulillah so far so good, even though i was a lil bit worry bout those drawing thingy; every time i've finished handling an event, i can balance my academic and even though i'm not an excellent student, i know that i've tried my best to be a 'hamba, khalifah and dai'e'.

"if you help His religion, He will help you"

a miracle word that always remind me to be patient in facing any problems during anything i'm doing, whether studying or doing something for the society.

kak dhila's talk

some people have skeptical thinking on these kind of things that we're doing. i mean, aktiviti berjemaah. well to me, it's not wrong as long as we're doing it in a moderate way. 
it's a fard al-kifayah isn't it? if no one want to be responsible on getting this work done, then each of the people will be punished. haa pelajaran tahun satu, semua org pun dah tahu. k.

okay. i'm so satisfy with this alhamdulillah. may Allah ease my Graphic Communication project that must be submitted next next day. :')

pmg go go go! 

selamat tahun baru chinese everibadih. lai lai amik oren satu~ *iklan semata*

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Random not Awesome #2

hoyeh. guess what? it's the last week of my precious holiday! few days left before i'm about to take a step to cfs iium. it feels kinda sad but sometimes happy! haa what a weird feelings. Thus! i have so many to think of which makes my brain kinda exhausted to think and think. our lecturer had mentioned in the fb group that we're about to start doing Graphic Communication and Environ.mental Design the next week of the Sem 3 and there'll be NO TIME TO RELAX. 

so what's the meaning? i dont want to know -___-

mennn. did i forgot this?

So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
verily, with every difficulty, there is relief
(as-syarh, 5&6)

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.
It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people." 
(al-baqarah 286)


i should be strong then. although with all those club society's activities. i should enjoy it not thinking it as a burden eh? okay orait.

dear heart, mind and soul, 
please think all of these as a grant and responsibilities 
i should be very grateful to have all these things in mind although sometimes it seems burdening.
okay please read through what you've typed jannah. please. 

excuse me for talking to myself readers.

haa kinda pathetic though. nevermind. :')