Tuesday, November 21, 2017


Right now.
In the middle of Kuala Lumpur busy hometown.
Living all by myself.
I'm neither in Comfort nor discomfort zone.
It's in between something
that me myself can't describe.

Living life by just following the flow. Yet still try to discover the miracles in between those flows.

Just wishing that I'm not losing myself and living the real life that I've always wanted
and have the chance to give back to my parents
for all the times they've spent to make me a
significantly, me.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Why All of These Happening to me?

Yes. Whenever I felt down, feel hopeless, felt hurt by the worldly events, this sentence somehow popped out from nowhere.

Lately it happened.

My lifestyle seems differ from people around me. Different from my own family.
I often ask; why I am different? Why can't I be normal and ease my thinking as similar as the other people around me? Why can't I pursue architecture in a way, not too much struggle? Even I've struggled till death, the result still below the standard. "Look, your own friend almost ready to pursue her master, and you're still nowhere to be found and looking for your permanent job", curse you negative thought.

This is not to brag. This is curiousness which always strike me since I was a child. Since in Primary school. It could be some kindof blessing, at the same time; disaster.

Tried myself to figure out whichever stream fits my own personality. But it seems to hurt my loved ones. It's  either I live the life I didn't enjoy & satisfy people's expectation towards me... or live the life I've ever dreamt of & let go of their hopes towards me.

It's very. Complicated.

Yet it's not good to blame the destiny.
Asking "Why All of These Happening To Me" is something looks like, ungrateful.

Guess that I'll just follow the flow. Keep on moving. Do the best that I could & let Him decide for me. Not to think too much. "Anyway, architecture had taught you of many different perspective of life, met you up with many great personalities aite? I believe many more hikmah you can derive from this field inshaa Allah," said positive thought.

You can do this. Just do it.

A girl who always need self assurance & positive words.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Fav Song

Raya mood is coming... It's such an enjoyment to have 5 days holiday after months of working 6 days per week pheww. Get prepare with a new feeling of raya days guys.

By the way,

This is just another good song that I'd love to hear everyday. It suits my personality tho! And I'd like to share this song to my friends out there, just to tell how good the lyrics are. Enjoice !

Is your favorite color blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outer-space?
Now I'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone take a portion of your heart?
Now I'm learning you

And if you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I've let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

And if you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

Deeper conversation with me

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Big Dreams to be Achieved

Well, readers. I'm back.

Idk what kindof people reading my blog, but for sure, this is one of the ways for me to see what are those things which had been messed up in my mind lately. It's some kindof, mind management I think? So jyeahh, didn't even care what people think as long as I could bebel secara lisan in this small part of online world.

I read some of the articles saying something like, "Anak tengah ni selalunya mempunyai cita2 yang tinggi, big dreams, that's why they tend to have many types of failure in their life. As the 4th children of seven siblings in family... I partly agree and disagree with this statement. Kinda moral down jugak baca, but hey, don't you know how much He could make the impossible to be possible? So, I tried to convince myself back, that, we could plan, but Allah is the best planner, and nothing to worry about that kindof article with no strong evidence. Everyone can write what they think of, like how I wrote mine in this blog huh?

Whenever I'm going out with my girl-friends, most of their topics would be about 'marriage'. Undeniable, most of the girls out there are having this kindof insecurities of not getting married after age of 30, and afraid to be labelled 'andalusia' (anak dara lanjut usia?) Oh well, me also included in that insecurity, but not so much. Tipulah kalau tak risau hidup seorang diri sepanjang hayat haha. But I'm focusing on my self-development right now so I'm not so into that topic. Many other things to be thought of, before I'm turning 30 thou. Maaaaanyyyyy. And I'm not ready to be a married woman, as long as my dreams tak tercapai lagi, which is to make my parents feel proud to have me for building their dream house in kampung. And guess what? I have like, about 7 years to complete this mission, which is to fulfill their dream, before i'm turning 30.

Second her thought.

It's a long way to go. Many things to be settled. Boleh dikatakan jugalah 'membina rumah tangga', but in more literal meaning haha! okay not funny.

One of the magical words He gave us. 

Hence, there are always this inevitable moments which makes me feel... "This is impossible" "This is crazy" "This is far from reality". Because, to me, I have nothing to offer my family right now. I have many weakness. The time is short, I don't even sure if I could have the chance to fulfill their dream, before my time...or their time come.
This, is the moment for me, to overcome my negative thoughts.
And really crucial for me, to always istiqamah, to always believe;
meletakkan sepenuh penuh pergantungan kepada Allah s.w.t. yang Maha Merancang. 

Instead of using the usual path like most of my friends do,
I chose many different approach, as long as I could achieve my destiny.
It might be weird. 
It might be unsafe.
It might be not as other people expected me to be.
But only I know, what's fit in my shoes. 

I admit, being an over-thinker is not good. 
I thought of lot of stuffs!

Some of the days, I think of just proceed in this area of Interior design, 
and take Master in Interior Design, then be a lecturer, 
Some other day, I'm thinking of working in a construction company, 
then take licences to enable me becoming a Contractor, 
so I could design my parents; house fully by myself,
Some of the other day, I'm thinking of taking position as an Assistant Architect 
then proceed to Master in Architecture, 
in order to meet most of the people's expectation towards me, 
as I've already finished my degree in Architecture. 
Some of the other day, I just want to work/study overseas 
& search for new experiences & widen my vision 
while I'm young & able.

Life is having so much options, right ? 
All of these things are to be achieved by only those who dare much to search for difference in their life. 
While usually....people like it to be normal & safe. 
And it takes a lot of gut to be abnormal. 
It's like, you're opposing the flow. Human flow.

Anyway, it's time for me to let go these books to my beloved friends for awhile. I'm sure what's gonna happen to these precious stuffs of mine, so I need to neatly preserve it by cover up with plastics. Balut bukulah senang kata hahaha okay, that's all for today's "talking to myself" session.

be safe, dear. 

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Zaman Bujang.

Undeniable, it's not that easy when we're entering this phase after graduation, which is working.
Moreover, if we're in a state where, we are alone, with no close friends nearby, and even family.

It's true. People said, this is the phase where we feel lonely. Easily feel alone. Because when you have problems, you need to settle by yourself because most of the other people around are busy settle up with theirs.

So, to whom you need to turn to? To ask for help to?

This is a real crucial stage where we need to put our faith fully to Allah.
This is the chance to improve our iiman, to improve our soul condition.
To learn to be independent
and survive by your own.

Be brave, dear self.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Big Girls Don't Cry

First of all, I'm gonna have to congratulate myself for having such a strong heart to work in a furniture company for, the whole these two months! Alhamdulillah, I am indeed, can't believe that I've been this far, even if the journey is so much further in the future.
I was merely quitting this job after two weeks *this is serious tho* but my second thought makes me continue up till now. It was ilham from The Most Almighty and i am indeed so thankful.

And actually, I am having this mood of blogging, just because of these brand new mouse & keyboard i just bought, mehihi ! most importantly, it is a very satisfying feelings of buying my own favorite things without the need of asking others to buy it for me.

Shifting into a new way of lifestyle sure makes me feel confuse somehow. Most of the things in my life seems to be decided by my own self...because I am now, an adult. It's happiness tho tohave such a freedom, which had been craved since my childhood life, but know what? The responsibilities increase, so drastically. I started to think on the plannings for my life, be it the monthly expenditure, where to settle, how long could I survive being in one place to another. All by myself.

Yeah, maybe that because of I'm too spoiled before, i feel as if all these things are too tough for me. Maybe. Tak pernah merasa susah lah katakan.

Some of the times I felt as if this is not right, that should not be done. But life must goes on.
Still long way to go, and I need to persistently improve in order to fulfill my parents wish, "To build their dream house." And to be a successful human being fiddunya wal akhirah. Ameen ameen >_<

May Allah ease everything for Nurul Jannah! yoshhhhh!

Monday, March 13, 2017

Selfie Reminder

As we grow older, we will have this feeling of "Time sure flies so fast......"
We will be like, "Omgee i am an adult now but I wanna be kids again!" but then, life must goes on.

Remember when the time we're in school, and the only great thing to wait is the afterschool bell to ring? Hahhh! It was a great happiness, once it's the end of class for the day. As I remembered, the time felt very longgggg to reach 1.20pm, but now, 5pm seems to past like a maserati everyday, when we're busy working & catching deadlines! wheww.

The best thing to do now is to appreciate every little things around us, even if it seems simple & usual to our everyday life, because it is vital to make our life much more meaningful.
Because some of the things we have now; might be desperately needed by other person while some of the things we don't have might not be needed by us, instead it might makes us more ungrateful & wanting more.

"Hey, again, what's the meaning of my life if i kept on chasing things which are not meant to be for me, while actually I had more than enough?"

Yes, the best thing now is to be grateful.
Everyday, set our mind to be thankful and happy to have everything around, away from take things for granted & away from complaining about the injustice situations that strike us endlessly.

Keep Calm,
Keep on Tawakkal.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

She was tired.

She had been into games, 
which involved her heart. 


She was thankful,
for all those memories and affection of
the few people whom had,
made her feel appreciated
and then, it disappeared, suddenly.
where all the things changed drastically.

Only portion of them stays
till present.


Some of the gentlemen
tried to enter her heart
asking for the 'so called serious relationship'
Eventually being turned down
Because she got the early instinct
of being frustrated
and the best way to keep her heart
from heartache 
is only,
to be honest & bold.

She was tired.
Indeed, she was so scared,
to give her heart 
to the wrong person
It's better for her to keep it herself,
and ask her Lord to ensure calmness in eternity.

She won't let people easily play with her soul
Ever again.
Because her dreams are just too big
to think of the small things around. 

She will be stronger 
Day by day,
Inshaa Allah.