Assalamualaikum & hi readers.
Lately my mind kept on thinking about something, and i really wish to type all those things here, but guess what? I don't know how to put the introduction. So, here's the intro, tadaa!
it could be great if i could put positive words on my cup of coffee teehee.
Its almost 4 months since I finished my studies and still waiting for a first job.
Being in the phase, where you need to wait for the uncertainty, it's kinda hard thou. It feels like, you don't even see the future. But alhamdulillah, when I put some goals and visions for my future life (except marriage), i feel much more better. And of course, when i am in such a comfort zone, i need to be as grateful as i could because, being in a state of ease, is also a test from Allah.
And also, in the phase where you need to get more independent by not depending on parents to support (because they've done too much for us, and asking for money is some kindof guilty pleasure), we will have the feelings of needing someone to share our struggles. But then, most of my friends had their own struggles and i feel like, its not like the old days where we asked about our university projects. Not the same anymore. So, it might be better for me to handle it myself. In this state also, lately something else happen; when some of the men out there giving hints and hopes.
I realized that, i am not that attractive in terms of appearance. I'm just, regular, and really grateful for that. However, as a normal girl, it's normal to have some of the men to approach me, either
(i) because they want to trial and error (this kindof market testing method if you know),
(ii) because of they are attracted to some of my qualities that i don't know,
(iii) or because i am just me.
Only Allah knows.
Frankly, it had been few times i've been given hints. Usually, when people with different gender gave us messages which sounds something like "i'm interested in you", it will automatically give us hope. Yes, HOPE. This is the stage when i try to make my heart as cold (keringkan hati?) as i could so that it wont break.
Searching for life partner isn't that easy.
People might like our strength,
And feel like "i am compatible with you",
but when it comes to our weaknesses,
They hardly accept it.
Because experience taught us.
Hoping for other than Allah, is killing.
It kills inside, isn't it?
So, it is decided. I won't waste my time having hopes on people anymore.
If other men have intention of befriend me and exchange experiences or whatever, I will just having this mindset of
"Owh, we're just friend okay, and not more than that, unless you're serious and want to meet my parents".
I hope i make myself clear to men out there.
And girls, we need to be sado.