Friday, December 30, 2016

hints and hopes

Assalamualaikum & hi readers.

Lately my mind kept on thinking about something, and i really wish to type all those things here, but guess what? I don't know how to put the introduction. So, here's the intro, tadaa!

it could be great if i could put positive words on my cup of coffee teehee.

Its almost 4 months since I finished my studies and still waiting for a first job.
Being in the phase, where you need to wait for the uncertainty, it's kinda hard thou. It feels like, you don't even see the future. But alhamdulillah, when I put some goals and visions for my future life (except marriage), i feel much more better. And of course, when i am in such a comfort zone, i need to be as grateful as i could because, being in a state of ease, is also a test from Allah.

And also, in the phase where you need to get more independent by not depending on parents to support (because they've done too much for us, and asking for money is some kindof guilty pleasure), we will have the feelings of needing someone to share our struggles. But then, most of my friends had their own struggles and i feel like, its not like the old days where we asked about our university projects. Not the same anymore. So, it might be better for me to handle it myself. In this state also, lately something else happen; when some of the men out there giving hints and hopes.

I realized that, i am not that attractive in terms of appearance. I'm just, regular, and really grateful for that. However, as a  normal girl, it's normal to have some of the men to approach me, either
(i) because they want to trial and error (this kindof market testing method if you know),
(ii) because of they are attracted to some of my qualities that i don't know,
(iii) or because i am just me.

Only Allah knows.

Frankly, it had been few times i've been given hints. Usually, when people with different gender gave us messages which sounds something like "i'm interested in you", it will automatically give us hope. Yes, HOPE. This is the stage when i try to make my heart as cold (keringkan hati?) as i could so that it wont break.

Searching for life partner isn't that easy.
People might like our strength,
And feel like "i am compatible with you",
but when it comes to our weaknesses,
They hardly accept it.


Because experience taught us.
Hoping for other than Allah, is killing.
It kills inside, isn't it?

So, it is decided. I won't waste my time having hopes on people anymore.
If other men have intention of befriend me and exchange experiences or whatever, I will just having this mindset of

"Owh, we're just friend okay, and not more than that, unless you're serious and want to meet my parents". 

I hope i make myself clear to men out there.

And girls, we need to be sado.
Fi amanillah!


Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Kesyukuran & Kebersalahan.


Allah. aku kini, berada dalam sebuah bilik, mampu untuk melihat perkembangan kawan kawan
serta saudara maraku, termasuk di Syria.
Bagaimana mampu untuk aku tidur lena, sedangkan mereka di sana
kesejukan, ketakutan diburu musuh durjana?
Bagaimana mampu untuk aku makan berselera,
sedangkan mereka di sana hanya memakan rumput?
Bagaimana mampu aku tahan...bilamana hanya mampu berdoa dari kejauhan?
Allah, selamatkan mereka...
Selamatkan kami jua, dari kepura puraan kesenangan hidup duniawi.

Hari demi hari kulalui,
 semakin banyak berita kematian. 
Aku takut, bilamana... hatiku tidak terkesan.
 tidak merasa betapa dekatnya kematian itu sebenarnya!
Allah. hidupkan kembali, hati yang semakin ke arah kematian. 
Sungguh, Laa Hawla Walaa Quwwata Illa Billah. 
Kerana Engkau sahaja yang memegang hati-hati manusia.
Maka... hidupkanlah hati hati kami, agar ia tenang,
dan hanya mengharapkan redhaMu dalam setiap perkara,
Jauhi kami dari syirik kecil, apatah lagi syirik besar,
Yaa, muqallibal qulub, tsabbit quluubana 'alaa diinik, wa'ala to'atiq.



Demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia kerugian.
Sungguhpun aku masih berumur 20an, tak mustahil 
esok saja sudah sampai ke 50an.
Wahai diri, selagimana, selama mana engkau diberikan peluang hidup, 
hiduplah sebaik baiknya.
carilah sesungguh identiti engkau sebagai melayu
sehingga ke akar umbi.
Tak usah mudah terpedaya dengan arus kehidupan yang terlalu 
membuatkan kau alpa akan misi sebenar kehidupan
Jauhi diri engkau dari
kelalaian. 

11.21 p.m.
Rabu.

#selfiereminder 
#nukilan21disember2016 


Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Heart Reincarnation.

It's been a while. Dah lama tak buka laptop since habis kelas kat KRU Academy. And now I'm officially living as orang rumah setelah sekian lama berada di Cyberjaya. 

Alhamdulillah, I got ideas for blogging! And actually dah lama nak taip kat blog ni sementara zaman tengah tunggu first work after graduation. You see, momentum kita ni macam roda, kadang atas kadang bawah. Dah habis belajar ni, undeniable, momentum semakin menurun, sebabnya kerja duduk rumah je, gaya hidup tak seaktif masa kat U dulu. But I always remind myself yang masa itu emas, jadi saya harus memanfaatkannya sebaik mungkin untuk laksanakan perkara2 yang mungkin tak sempat dilakukan masa masuk alam pekerjaan nanti. yosh! And yes, after having valuable discussion dengan my fav people on whatshapp & fb message, saya rasa lebih bersemangat. alhamdulillah. :)

Actually, I was having some kind of huge overthinking problem. I think on my path after graduation period, too much. Slowly saya tulis goals to be achieved, yet belum masa untuk dilaksanakan sebaiknya atas beberapa faktor. And yes, kita merancang, Allah menentukan. So no need to worry so much, as long as we put our best effort into the plannings. 

evident. maybe.
As a normal human being, sometimes I need some kind of 'pushing force' untuk menaikkan kembali semangat yang semakin luntur. Disebabkan sy seorang overthinker, I tend to say hi to kawan2 yang saya percayai untuk bertanyakan khabar & exchange pengalaman hidup. Sambil tu ada jugak minta pendapat tentang kehidupan sebab kadang2, bila mereka share pengalaman hidup mereka sendiri, somehow we could relate dengan kondisi kita walaupun situasi berbeza. 

Saya rasa sungguh bertuah ada kawan2 yang suka share pendapat & tak lokek ceritakan pengalaman hidup. Walaupun dah berapa tahun berpisah dengan mereka, tak pernah pulak rasa kekok atau segan nak bertanya khabar. Only with these people.... and if you are one of those, Terima Kasih banyak2 kerana hadir dalam hidupku :) (oops. cam jiwang je ayat haha sorry). Oh well that's me when I'm with my fav person :D

These are one of those positive words that I will try to alwayssss remember, in order to succeed fiddunya wal akhirah inshaa Allah. :)

But i see high potential in you. Dont waste it my friend. Nikmat Allah tu haaa.. Know your capability. We have no limits, We ourself yang letak limit kat diri sendiri. Which is a very unbeneficial things to do, jannah.

Positive.
Yg negatif², tolak ke tepi dlu..
InshaaAllah smua akn smooth je.. Allah akn tolong.

Dalam kepayahan yg jannah hadapi tu mesti ada even sekelumit kebaikan,
Percaya lah
Saya nampak kebolehan jannah
Boleh jadi jannah pilih minat jannah
Lepastu manalah tahuuuu dlm perjalanan tu jannah mula minat seni bina.

Banyak lagi sebenarnya kata2 semangat dari sahabat2 yang disayangi, either thru whatsapp or facebook. So far, I will keep these ones to be referred untuk masa depan inshaa Allah. 

Selain baca quran, buku2 ilmiah, tengok ceramah kat youtube, I believe that one of the strong influences untuk kejayaan & ketenangan hidup kita ialah orang2 sekeliling, either in reality or in virtual. So, sangat penting untuk kita memilih berkawan dengan siapa, subscribe ke channel apa, bergroup whatsapp dengan siapa. sebab kemana-mana pun memang kita dah terbiasa bawa fon kat poket, kan? The more good influences around us, the more good things we could get from it. And we have the right to choose wisely. 

Kepada kawan2 yang selalu post positive and beneficial things kat whatsapp and facebook, May Allah bless all of you. :) I hope we could continuously... istiqamah untuk share good things...even if we're not good enough. Kita pun tak tahu kan if one of those posts could led people to be more motivated. Mana tahu juga, post itu bisa menyelamatkan seseorang dari terpesong ke arah kehidupan yang dimurkai. Bila kita tengok kawan kita bermasalah dari jauh, nak tolong tapi tidak mampu. The only least thing we could do is just to spread the love and doa. 



The world might have so much of pain and frustration, & also, have goodness in it. When you find one, appreciate it as best as you can. #selfiereminder