There I Was Again Tonight

Know what? It's 'Winter' in Malaysia, and everyday is raining '''''''''''';''''''''''''

Can't believe it's almost the end of 2018. I still remember the first time I was in the peak of my hobby as a blogger, after spm which was 2011. After 7 years and here I am, posting for only once to twice for a year. haha!

And it's good that lately, I watched some movies that motivates me to start writing again. Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wijk, Gatsby, The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society, How to Get Over A Breakup. Those are the movies that I chose randomly except the third one. All are highlighting one point; WRITE! Coincidentally...or a sign? Wallahualam. And I hope, these are good signs for me to continue my university journey next year. Or years to come, Inshaa Allah. :3

Being in an existential crisis phase somehow drawn my energy when actually this young physical body should be utilized effectively and this is the best time to search my true potential. Feeling useless all the time aint good tho. It hurts so much to not knowing the things that we really good at; in order to use it for benefiting people around us. And it feels dead inside to just doing the same routine daily only to survive and not achieving something exceptional; at least for our own satisfaction.

I hope someday I could do something that could make me feel reallyyyy happy and worth of living. Even if it costs nothing in return but genuine happiness :')

Well, for the sake of 'Count My Blessings', I should congratulate myself for landing a comfort job; so far. 2 years of living as a working adult sure had taught me on being patient for the Rizq Allah had bestowed upon each of His creations, according to His Time. I used to had such a messy life in 2017, and things get better day by day, Alhamdulillah Ala Kulli Hal. Thought it feels like the progress for this year was kinda slow, I am still moving forward for sure. There are plannings for next year that makes my anxiety level uprising hahaha but dear, I need to control it and continuously making myself as 'busy' as i could. No overthinking jannah, keep cool okay! Yosh.

My english is tungganglanggang but who cares, it feels so good to write in English sebab kalau in malay kadang tak reti nak express those subtle points hahah so khalassssss. Monday had arrived! :8

Working in a Coffee Shop

Ahah, the title itself is so predictable of the contents aite !
Yes, because nowadays I tend to be more simple & clearer of anything I am doing or having.
Life is so much simple without dramas :'D #tibah

Dear my since 2010 diary,

I have so much to be kept here so that my future self could re-read again but then, I realized, the older i get the lesser I would like to write. I can say, it's an adult-ing process, maybe.

It was a wonderful experience of being a barista for about one quarter of the year. I was there in Starb*cks (hahaha wait why need to censored lol) when the winter season came. It was a great ending for 2017, & can't believe that I've got the chance to learn about things I am so crazy of; COFFEE .

Now you can ask me to make any of the drinks. Just name it; Latte, Mocha, Cappucino, Caramel Macchiato, Affogato etc etc as long i have all the equipments (unfortunately). I already mastered it all alhamdulillah, and also can consider it as another #AchievementUnlocked weehee~

Anyway, it was a period of blissfulness to spend time with my fellow barista partners & my love towards coffee will be definitely endless.

coffee bae

That's all for this latest post. Need more..(magod my question mark is not functioning)
Let's coffee talk ! ;)

Big Dreams to be Achieved

Well, readers. I'm back.

Idk what kindof people reading my blog, but for sure, this is one of the ways for me to see what are those things which had been messed up in my mind lately. It's some kindof, mind management I think? So jyeahh, didn't even care what people think as long as I could bebel secara lisan in this small part of online world.

I read some of the articles saying something like, "Anak tengah ni selalunya mempunyai cita2 yang tinggi, big dreams, that's why they tend to have many types of failure in their life. As the 4th children of seven siblings in family... I partly agree and disagree with this statement. Kinda moral down jugak baca, but hey, don't you know how much He could make the impossible to be possible? So, I tried to convince myself back, that, we could plan, but Allah is the best planner, and nothing to worry about that kindof article with no strong evidence. Everyone can write what they think of, like how I wrote mine in this blog huh?

Whenever I'm going out with my girl-friends, most of their topics would be about 'marriage'. Undeniable, most of the girls out there are having this kindof insecurities of not getting married after age of 30, and afraid to be labelled 'andalusia' (anak dara lanjut usia?) Oh well, me also included in that insecurity, but not so much. Tipulah kalau tak risau hidup seorang diri sepanjang hayat haha. But I'm focusing on my self-development right now so I'm not so into that topic. Many other things to be thought of, before I'm turning 30 thou. Maaaaanyyyyy. And I'm not ready to be a married woman, as long as my dreams tak tercapai lagi, which is to make my parents feel proud to have me for building their dream house in kampung. And guess what? I have like, about 7 years to complete this mission, which is to fulfill their dream, before i'm turning 30.

Second her thought.

It's a long way to go. Many things to be settled. Boleh dikatakan jugalah 'membina rumah tangga', but in more literal meaning haha! okay not funny.

One of the magical words He gave us. 

Hence, there are always this inevitable moments which makes me feel... "This is impossible" "This is crazy" "This is far from reality". Because, to me, I have nothing to offer my family right now. I have many weakness. The time is short, I don't even sure if I could have the chance to fulfill their dream, before my time...or their time come.

This, is the moment for me, to overcome my negative thoughts.

And really crucial for me, to always istiqamah, to always believe;

meletakkan sepenuh penuh pergantungan kepada Allah s.w.t. yang Maha Merancang. 

Thus,

Instead of using the usual path like most of my friends do,

I chose many different approach, as long as I could achieve my destiny.

It might be weird. 

It might be unsafe.

It might be not as other people expected me to be.

But only I know, what's fit in my shoes. 

I admit, being an over-thinker is not good. 

I thought of lot of stuffs!

Some of the days, I think of just proceed in this area of Interior design, 

and take Master in Interior Design, then be a lecturer, 

Some other day, I'm thinking of working in a construction company, 

then take licences to enable me becoming a Contractor, 

so I could design my parents; house fully by myself,

Some of the other day, I'm thinking of taking position as an Assistant Architect 

then proceed to Master in Architecture, 

in order to meet most of the people's expectation towards me, 

as I've already finished my degree in Architecture. 

Some of the other day, I just want to work/study overseas 

& search for new experiences & widen my vision 

while I'm young & able.

Life is having so much options, right ? 

All of these things are to be achieved by only those who dare much to search for difference in their life. 

While usually....people like it to be normal & safe. 

And it takes a lot of gut to be abnormal. 

It's like, you're opposing the flow. Human flow.

Anyway, it's time for me to let go these books to my beloved friends for awhile. I'm sure what's gonna happen to these precious stuffs of mine, so I need to neatly preserve it by cover up with plastics. Balut bukulah senang kata hahaha okay, that's all for today's "talking to myself" session.

be safe, dear.