Idk what kindof people reading my blog, but for sure, this is one of the ways for me to see what are those things which had been messed up in my mind lately. It's some kindof, mind management I think? So jyeahh, didn't even care what people think as long as I could bebel secara lisan in this small part of online world.
I read some of the articles saying something like, "Anak tengah ni selalunya mempunyai cita2 yang tinggi, big dreams, that's why they tend to have many types of failure in their life. As the 4th children of seven siblings in family... I partly agree and disagree with this statement. Kinda moral down jugak baca, but hey, don't you know how much He could make the impossible to be possible? So, I tried to convince myself back, that, we could plan, but Allah is the best planner, and nothing to worry about that kindof article with no strong evidence. Everyone can write what they think of, like how I wrote mine in this blog huh?
Whenever I'm going out with my girl-friends, most of their topics would be about 'marriage'. Undeniable, most of the girls out there are having this kindof insecurities of not getting married after age of 30, and afraid to be labelled 'andalusia' (anak dara lanjut usia?) Oh well, me also included in that insecurity, but not so much. Tipulah kalau tak risau hidup seorang diri sepanjang hayat haha. But I'm focusing on my self-development right now so I'm not so into that topic. Many other things to be thought of, before I'm turning 30 thou. Maaaaanyyyyy. And I'm not ready to be a married woman, as long as my dreams tak tercapai lagi, which is to make my parents feel proud to have me for building their dream house in kampung. And guess what? I have like, about 7 years to complete this mission, which is to fulfill their dream, before i'm turning 30.
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| Second her thought. |
It's a long way to go. Many things to be settled. Boleh dikatakan jugalah 'membina rumah tangga', but in more literal meaning haha! okay not funny.
One of the magical words He gave us.
Hence, there are always this inevitable moments which makes me feel... "This is impossible" "This is crazy" "This is far from reality". Because, to me, I have nothing to offer my family right now. I have many weakness. The time is short, I don't even sure if I could have the chance to fulfill their dream, before my time...or their time come.
This, is the moment for me, to overcome my negative thoughts.
And really crucial for me, to always istiqamah, to always believe;
meletakkan sepenuh penuh pergantungan kepada Allah s.w.t. yang Maha Merancang.
Thus,
Instead of using the usual path like most of my friends do,
I chose many different approach, as long as I could achieve my destiny.
It might be weird.
It might be unsafe.
It might be not as other people expected me to be.
But only I know, what's fit in my shoes.
I admit, being an over-thinker is not good.
I thought of lot of stuffs!
Some of the days, I think of just proceed in this area of Interior design,
and take Master in Interior Design, then be a lecturer,
Some other day, I'm thinking of working in a construction company,
then take licences to enable me becoming a Contractor,
so I could design my parents; house fully by myself,
Some of the other day, I'm thinking of taking position as an Assistant Architect
then proceed to Master in Architecture,
in order to meet most of the people's expectation towards me,
as I've already finished my degree in Architecture.
Some of the other day, I just want to work/study overseas
& search for new experiences & widen my vision
while I'm young & able.
Life is having so much options, right ?
All of these things are to be achieved by only those who dare much to search for difference in their life.
While usually....people like it to be normal & safe.
And it takes a lot of gut to be abnormal.
It's like, you're opposing the flow. Human flow.
Anyway, it's time for me to let go these books to my beloved friends for awhile. I'm sure what's gonna happen to these precious stuffs of mine, so I need to neatly preserve it by cover up with plastics. Balut bukulah senang kata hahaha okay, that's all for today's "talking to myself" session.
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| be safe, dear. |
